I've never dated. I've had cuddle buddies, make-out buddies and boyfriends. Maybe the trouble stems from not effectively navigating the oceans of dating. I mean, I could avoid the attachment icebergs by not being so insistent and empathetic—not being myself. I could avoid being anchored by keeping cool and not getting too attached myself, but how does one go from the stability, romance and sometimes confines of a committed relationship, to surfing the high swells of date after date after date? Furthermore, how does one continue to date oodles of men without turning into a serial dater and thus never revive one's hope in love?
One thing I miss about living in Montana, is my friends. I had a great group of friends to go out with. No pressure, no awkwardness and always a fun—often trouble causing—time. I no longer have that social construct. Can I replace it with copious amounts of dates?
I haven't figured it out. Maybe there isn't just one strategy. Or maybe the strategy is just simply not to strategize at all—that would be both preferred and also a challenge. Go with the, uh, flow? I suppose it is a good way to temporarily rendezvous with a lot of men and enjoy great conversations and similar interests without sexual encounters, or relationship-esqu feelings of possession. Free food is nice. Free drinks are nice, too.
I am resisting the urge to strategize in the game-playing sense, but I need my mental frameworks in order to function. There has to be some structure. It is possible I'm just in analysis paralysis due to my need to figure it all out.
I am not convinced that this lifestyle is for me. Then again, it could just be an adjustment period. It could also potentially work in my favor: my mom was dating three different people when she met my dad. She had three different people to compare him to and she chose him.
Here's hoping...
