I'm as tender as a peeled grape. I'm broken. This campus has finally gotten to me and I have snapped. The caged animal mentality has passed, lashing out is no more for I am now as a kitten rolled over on my back in vile submission to the dog that is the world. That was quite possibly the worst sentence/comparison I have ever written. I'm with it enough to recognize that, a step in the right direction.
No jazz for me tonight. Not even with the bribe of martinis. I can't hold it together around people. There is a sense of calm associated with losing it, though, I can stop fighting my emotions now. It's like the day after the election, when we're just all glad it's over. Now to rebuild the country within me. My writing improves.
Playing my cello is the only thing I seem to want to do. Tonight I ate an actual meal though, no more oranges for dinner. I need sustenance. The scriptures and cello feed my soul only I can feed my cells.
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