Embrace Your Inner Zucchini

Bear is reading a chapter about Logical Atomism in my Twentieth Century Philosophy book and I just made a xylophone out of the zucchini on the counter. Shortly after that, my mom phoned her friend to invite herself and my father over. Without me. Shrug. I'm not at all ashamed that i like to embrace my inner zucchini.

Patrick told me that Bear's English is improving and that he is becoming easier to understand and I said it was because of cultural immersion.. same sort of thing happened with the zucchini—they've become a part of me, literally and figuratively. T'was a fruity transubstanciacion, if you will. Zucchini appears everywhere now, like I'm seeing ghosts or something. Not to mention the kitchen counter space has decreased by 60%.

Four months of this, and I finally figured, if you can't beat em' (or eat em') join em'!

P.S. Two words: Zucchini Beer.

Prose. Political prose.

It's been a while since I've had a good ol' political rant...

GIVE ME BACK MY COUNTRY!

There, I said it.

Take your cussing hammer and sickle and get the cuss out of my country! I hate you, Mr. Obama, I hate you and the cluster-cuss havoc you bring, I hate you with every fiber of my being. Stop spending, stop cussing talking, I hate your pompous voice—actually, wait, keep talking! because every-time you open your mouth, you lose supporters. It's all cussing Milton's devil-esque rhetoric.

We the people, are not stupid. We the people, yes that's right, INDIVIDUALS—who this country is made of— will repeal your stupid socialist healthcare bill. We will win in November. Then we will sleep. Then we will party.

We Should Probably Eat That

"What are we going to do with the rice tonight?" Asked my mom, and before anyone could say "zucchini?" or eye the green monster on the kitchen counter I blurted out, "creamy rice, like we do with the pheasant, hey do we have any birds left?"

"Yeah, we have one left... we should probably eat that..." She replied.
"We should probably eat that, what if that were the title to a cooking show?" I asked.

I was watching Project Runway last night, and they did this episode with material from a party store, like Dollar Tree or something. Which is better than the earlier episodes when they used trash, but still, I'm thinking that if people can wear leftovers, why not be artistic in a culinary vein, too?

Just Sayin;.

Tune in next time for, "We Should Probably Eat That!"

Job Safari? Bring Your Gun (And Lawyer)

To put it simply, being a recent college grad is terrifying. As if the, "real world's" noxiousness wasn't enough, nor the vision of that student loan amount dancing in my head at night—mocking me—scaring the sheep and my sleep away wasn't enough, nor my parents constant concern of finding employment for themselves hanging in the air like a balmy Minnesota July afternoon wasn't enough, no, no, no, I've grown accustomed to that prison, what IS enough, what recent aggravating circumstance finally crossed the zucchini-peel-thin line? Job scammers.

That's right, it's difficult enough to find an entry-level anything that doesn't involve Avon, or fast food, but these worms, no, these snakes slither the job websites looking for naive, yet hopeful, prey, like myself. "Entry level sales/marketing," is really a door-to-door coupon book scam. See for yourselves: Scam.

Well, you rat bastards, I stay silent no more. I will expose you asses for the lying, disgusting, life sucking, souless dragons that you are. You make my ex-wife look like an angry puppy. Stop making my job safari more difficult than it already is. The only thing stopping me from reciprocating your harassment is my mood stabilizers. * shakes bottle of pills *

"We Need More Hairspray & Spuds... and Beer"

Mmm Cheez-its... symbolism is tasty. You know what else would be tasty? Platypus egg omelets... with zebra sausage. Yum. What?? Animal print is in! A few months back I—theoretically—paired wines with domesticated animals... shiraz would go nicely with kitten.

Speaking of redneck cooking methods, during the northern Wisconsin 4th festivities, after mastering skeet shooting frisbees with potatoes, my Marine cousin upped the ante and killed a red-squirrel with a potato gun. Boy, that shaved a hell of a lot of time off dinner prep not having to cook them taters, though, the meat was a bit bruised...

After a while we ran out of hairspray—White Rain works the best—and spuds... and beer... So, God Bless Wisconsin, we went to the local grocery store, and not only did they have food and cosmetics, they had a full selection of liquor.

Our final shopping list?

Potatoes
Hairspray
Beer
Gin
Vodka
Mike's

To tope off the red-neckery, my cousin and I poured vodka and capri-suns into travel mugs and watched the fireworks. Still looking for the poetry in that. I'll just say, cuss yeah.

Newness

I have moved home—through rain, and snow and emotional tumult. I have a new boyfriend and he is wonderful. Just thought you all should know. :)

I Figured Out (how to) Time Travel!

"It hasn't been as warm as last month." I said to my mother about a week ago. "Well, as long as it doesn't snow." She replied. Thanks, Mom.

Well, maybe not, but it sure feels like December... So, I'm playing cello in a praise band for RMC's Baccalaureate, we were going to play, "How Great Thou Art," but given the recent jump back to December, I think we should change the song to, "Sleigh Ride."

Merry Christmas!