My First Ex-Wife

SO, I haven't really slept in three days. I'm going to blame stress and the MAN Chili. This morning I "woke" up at the mansion. Yep. Even the mirrors refused to look at me. I lead an interesting and classy life. As you can tell from my previous post, the last 72 hours have been, well, just plain bad. No adrenaline rush for me. Sorry, I had to. Go ahead, chuckle.

Let's re-visit Tuesday morning. It began far too early, 0645, with ex-roomie's boyfriend, let's call him C, showing up from another city because I had a boy on the couch. We'll call him D. C threatened D. D was minding his own business sitting on the ex-couch working on his iBook. Ex-roomie refused to talk to D. As I facebook chatted with D from my bedroom to gather the details, it became painfully obvious that not only is C, an evil possessive tyrant, but my roommate planned on moving out and not telling me.

I must surmise, at least at this point, that my having a house guest, who had a penis, had something to do with this. Let me also say that I have never come home piss drunk or vomited in our toilet. Or anywhere else in the apartment/sidewalk etc. I'm a good roommate. I'm really clean and I smell terrific.

I hate this divorce thing. I have decided that, unlike my usual plan of having three husbands, I'm only going to have one. I don't want to get divorced. She owned the furniture AND the T.V. This sucks. She also left behind the get well card that I got her when she was really sick. That just hurts. How difficult would it have been to say, "hey, I'm moving out."


The really sick thing is that they never spoke a word to me and I was in the same room. The same room! Actually, after Adrenaline Boy ever so gently rejected me, I got home and walked in and most of the stuff had been removed. Then C walked out of the bed room, and smirked at me. Then he walked back into her room. Wow.

All because I let a boy stay on our couch so he wouldn't freeze to death? This must be that superior moral reasoning I hear so much about.

On the upside, I brought my desk and computer to the living room. What up home office.

Well, it'll be dinner time soon and I'm going to eat pizza on the living room floor like my gypsy ancestors. Or something. Thanks roomie, you're making a great ex-wife already.