The Rocky Mountain Ward

I have often speculated that the deceptively benign and charming Rocky Mountain College is truly in disguise a social psychological experiment gone wrong, very wrong. The subjects of said experiment have been relocated and released onto the campus—much like British criminals were shipped to Australia. Upon arrival, they infect the campus with mental disease. Just as maggots seek out a bloody gazelle carcass on the Serengeti, the Rocky students seek out new situations to devour.

The Rocky Mountain College campus is a cesspool of maladaptive, self-destructive, self-abusive, sadistic and masochistic behavior, where Borderline Personality Disorder and Bi-Polar Disorder reign.

The cesspool always morphs into a whirlpool swirling with bad—yet conscious—decision-making patterns forcing the once sane students to succumb to currents of drama and unwillingly partake in idle gossip, plots and the like. By the time graduation rolls around, the rapids have insured that the students’ minds and souls are sufficiently scratched and broken. RMC doesn’t need Sororities or Fraternities because it is overflowing with stupid initiation tests and unholy standards of popularity.

But, I digress for that is what was once speculated, but the events of the last few months have taken out and shot speculation.

I’ve come to the obstinate conclusion that almost everyone on this campus is out-patient—or would it be in-patient? I don’t know, but they aren’t going to get me! Well, they probably ARE going to get me since there ain’t enough whisky or boot shaped shot glasses in Montana to drown the insanity and persistence of this drama.

I’ve been listening to Les Miserables lately just to feel better about myself—just to be able to think, hey at least I’m not a French revolutionary wench that dies cross-dressed in the arms of a man who will never return my affection. Life could be worse. Ah, I feel better already. Or maybe it’s the Ativan I take for my anxiety…

I can no longer pity some of my friends because they are consciously and intentionally acting stupid. I’ve become desensitized to this and just react with cold rationality and criticism. No wonder my face has been replaced with dotting, naïve sympathetic faces—even though I was once esteemed for my empathy and integrity.

Is it Graduation yet?